Fun with Homestudies!

It's official. I tempted the gods in my last post by claiming that "all I could do now was wait." Apparently that's not so! As of yesterday the Kazakhstani embassy has thrown us yet another curve ball. They've decided that they will only accept dossiers with homestudies conducted by Hague Accredited agencies. Don't worry, you don't have to know what that means. All you have to know is that the agency that conducted our homestudy back in February, doesn't have the little piece of paper that the Kazakhstani government wants to see and unless I find a way to get it, come September 15th, the consulate will reject our dossier!!!
Panic!!!
So now I find myself in that all to familiar position of scrambling like mad to cover all the bases as quickly as possible. I can't get ahold of my coordinator at WPA, who is probably swamped with anxious calls. Also, the contact at my homestudy agency is taking a well earned vacation this week. However, being short on official information/instructions has never stopped me before. In the world of international adoption, it doesn't pay to sit around on your keister! SO...I've called about sixteen new homestudy agencies this morning and left rambling messages for more people than I can count...and... I think I've figured it out.
Relief.
So let's all give a big cheer for Hague Accredited Partners for Adoption!!! They have agreed to update our homestudy with their seal of approval.
Fingers crossed, I'll be able to put a bookend on this one before the month is through.
Wish us luck, again.
Paka.
Becca

New York, New York...And Invisible Pregnancy Angst

Sing with me now-
"If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere. It's up to you... New York, New York!"

Yup, we are out of translation and our precious bundle of paperwork has safely landed on the desk of a hard working official at the Kazakhstani Consulate in the big apple.

And now... we wait.

And wait.

And Wait.

AND WAIT.

Until we can't stand any more waiting and find ourselves loving stroking the baby pajamas at Target and spending the evenings checking and rechecking the e-mail to see if maybe by some happy accident our dossier got sent out 3 months early. O.K. It won't happen, I know that. But, I'm definitely starting to get edgy. Here the rub. I miss my baby and I don't even know if he's been born yet. Isn't that weird? Not knowing if your child has been born? It is. It is so weird. And I'm finding that I want to talk about him, like he already exists, like he's already mine and that we just have to meet to make it final, which is true, in a way, but it's the immediacy of the connection that gets me. In a way, it is so much like being pregnant, because I think about him all the time, just like I did when I was pregnant with Cal. But being pregnant was easier in that respect because I had a physical connection to match the emotional one. This time I don't have the luxury of rubbing a gigantic belly to tell my little one that I love him. I just have to wait and know that I'm doing everything possible to get to him as soon as I can. I have to remind myself that from the moment he's mine, I'll love him every second for the rest of his life.. and I have to try to believe that's enough.

The other frustrating aspect of this invisible pregnancy of mine, is that even though I want to shout it from the rooftops, no one knows I'm having a baby. I hate that. I want everyone to know, to coo, to fawn, to ask questions about this amazing little person I haven't yet met... but they don't. In all fairness, I can't possibly expect the cashier at Safeway to celebrate my growing family, but can't help but feel a touch of sadness and maybe even bitterness that people closer to my life than that can't seem to remember that we've got a baby on the way. Don't worry, I'm not talking about any of you. Those oblivious, but possible well-meaning people would never think to check this blog... Maybe I should start wearing one of those fake "pregnancy bellies." My love to all of you. Paka.